One of my favorite songs right now is “I Shall Not Want” by Audrey Assad. The words are so convicting! Basically, the song is a cry out to God, confessing our sins and saying “Deliver me!”
The way the song describes sinfulness is really what touched my heart...
I feel like people talk so much about basic problems, like “Do not lie,” or “Do not lust” or “Do not cheat.” Stuff that’s kind of obvious, but, of course, is still hard to deal with. “I Shall Not Want” goes so much deeper than that. It delves into the undercover sins in our heart, pulling forth the deep issues we don’t understand and don’t want to deal with. Some of what Audrey Assad discusses, I didn’t even know were “sins.” But God always shows me in this song the baseness of these indulgences that I give my heart. One of my favorite parts is:
“From the need to be understood
From the need to be accepted
From the fear of being lonely
Deliver me O God”
Until I heard this song, I had never thought of my desire for people to understand me. But it’s so true! I personally find myself always fighting, arguing, and hurting when I feel as if people aren’t getting my point or just aren’t getting me. It feels like a form of rejection. I want people to accept me. But I have to realize that the big picture isn’t all about me and what I think about trivial things. My pride wants me to think that everything I say is essential to the human race. But I have to sacrifice my pride to embrace humility and put myself aside so that peace, unity, and, in some cases, diversity, can reign.
Plus, sometimes, to get people to accept us, we change ourselves, which kind of defeats the purpose. But what’s the alternative? Loneliness? I’ve always been terrified from being lonely and devastated when it happens. I don’t mean the loneliness like, “I want someone to hang out with tonight.” I mean the loneliness that says “Nobody wants to hang out with me. I don’t have anyone to hang out with, just like every Friday night this month. Do people not like me?” When you go through this, it makes sense to do whatever you can to escape the emotion. It’s a fear. The next part of the songs says:
“From the fear of serving others
From the fear of death or trial
From the fear of humility
Deliver me O God
Deliver me O God”
Being terrified of death and hard times is pretty expected. But I never saw myself as being afraid of service. After hearing this song for the first time, I started examining my life. I realized that whenever I have the opportunity to do something good for others, the first thing that comes to mind is “How is this going to affect me?” If I give money, how will I get the things I want? If I talk to this person, what will my friends think of me? If I take time out to simply help my mom or my sisters, when will I have time to do what I need (or want) to do? Instead of trusting in God’s promises to those who do His will, I get caught up in my own self-centered logic of how it “hurts” me. I am afraid of the consequences. Really, I’m running from humility and into fear.
The chorus goes back to:
“I shall not want.
When I taste your goodness, I shall not want.”
It took me a while to understand this part. But what it means to me is that when Jesus delivers me from my sins, what more can I want? What can I desire of the world that compares to God’s righteous? How can I fall back into the temptation of fear and self-centeredness once I have truly tasted Christ’s beautiful goodness? What more can I ask for than God’s forgiveness, virtue, and blessings?
Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.
The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it? “I the Lord search the heart
and examine the mind,
to reward each person according to their conduct,
according to what their deeds deserve.”
As water reflects the face,
so one’s life reflects the heart.
Suggested Song: I Shall Not Want, by Audrey Assad
The Kamau Girls
Hi! We're Nia, Jada, and Bailey Kamau. We laugh, sing, read, and have Narnia marathons probably more than we should. Thanks so much for checking out our blog!
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